Prayer is life. Life is Prayer.
I am thinking about ’manifesting’. The notion that we can wish what we want into being with the power of our thoughts . It’s a funny thing. But I think that it’s just prayer without God. A way to understand that the earth; ourselves, everyone and everything are connected and that our human lives pivot on that breath of connection and meaning. We are relational beings down to our toes - our nervous system an open loop. All hanging out for what Jesus calls, “life in all its fullness.” A friend describes it ; he says that the entire universe has a consciousness and some people call that consciousness God and that when we pray we are in some way asking to become one with that sacred consciousness. Stepping into something that is already there - that we are already in. It explains to me why prayer, prayed properly, only works when what we want is good for everyone and everything, not just for me . It’s not a child’s christmas list. It’s a willingness to live fully and with joy in whatever there is . In whatever is left. The question then becomes a simpler one. Is what I want good for all beings? Does it put life, redemption, soul back into the pot? If it doesn’t, and we are someone who cares about such things, then maybe we need to reassess what we think we want . Then there is nothing in the world that is just about me.
I have been very tempted recently to use a complaints process to try to get closure on a painful disconnection. To stop the person who hurt me hurting anyone else. But I’m fairly sure a sneaky disowned part of me also wants to hurt her back . To make her pay attention to the pain she caused by drawing it to the attention of others . The problem is I don’t like the process, and people who have been through it tell me it’s frightening and debilitating whichever side of it you are on. They tell me that It won’t bring redemption and that It doesn’t have a soul, and I agree . I don’t think it does. I can’t see ‘the bandaged place where the light gets in’.So, I’m not going to do that to someone I loved and admired. Because I have a soul and so does the person who hurt me. And souls don’t belong in soulless places.
So it feels better to practice staying empty and open in a human-soul-shape. To wait and trust the universe, and the God I do believe in, who is nothing but souls, and whose heart is good . A universe where all will be well. The practice of keeping my heart open to continued connection will shape me in a different way from taking the path of disconnection. A way which chooses to keep faith with the story of life and which retains some possibility of a different outcome. The hope that we might bump into each other again one day, when we are both feeling better, and be able to cup our hands around the cynicism, fear, and shame and melt it down into something that ‘fills the wide vessel of the universe’ in a more beautiful way. Something that neither of us could have done on our own .
It seems a bit naive, I admit . But it’s all I’ve got.
If it doesn’t work then at least no one else gets hurt.
Today I am trying to apply that to the man who uses the shared alleyway behind my house to run a business chopping things up with a saw and an angle grinder. Ruining summer days that I spend at home. I practice stretching my humanity to him .
It’s a work in progress.
