Small Stories of August
25th August 2021
Handed my glasses in today for their big-middle-aged-varifocal upgrade. I am now on contact lenses for two weeks and a new problem has emerged, namely, my eyebrows. What had previously been coyly hiding behind my specs has now been revealed, like those two massive hedges that horses come a cropper over at The Grand National. So bad I’m worried they might eat me in my sleep.
10th August 2020
Just had a ‘Richard Madeley’ experience outside Morrison’s in Morecambe (for younger readers, Richard Madeley; artless nineties tv presenter who got done for shoplifting ) .
Stopped by security half way across the car park because my card had been declined . In the process of walking back to the store we managed to unpack the situation . I had not been served by the woman at the end till. Had not had my card declined. Was not in fact wearing a striped dress. Other than all that they were bob on.
Me and my fish will now proceed.
10th August 2019
Just switched on the TV in lieu of a day canoeing on Coniston. Jane McDonald has just concluded a cruise to Cambodia by singing ‘Something Inside So Strong’ by Labi Siffre . There were eighties style overlapping close up face shots.
My arms are quite sore from too much swimming and some inadvisable carrying of a microwave midweek. But, good Lord, I can grab a remote control swiftly when my sanity is threatened.
30th August 2017
Reading a bit of history about George V and Queen Mary. Not terribly interesting. Except the pleasing discovery that The King’s doctor was called Sir Farquhar Buzzard.
Brilliant.
10th August 2017
Watching Eastenders in a slumped position. Deary me , it’s boring these days. What happened to all the shouting and divorce papers on Christmas Day and burying each other in cellars?
10th August 2010
I have just looked at the instructions for the microwave, which my dad has thoughtfully translated from the French for me. Noticed he has put a comedy exclamation mark next to the French word for ‘knob’.
He is seventy five.
